I started this blog as a place to voice my feelings. A place to open up and just spill my guts out and not worry so much about what anyone thinks. Then it changed and I added things to it. I then started sharing my weight loss journey, which I received encouragement and help. Then I started opening up about my journey to get where I am now. But what I did not expect was to open old wounds when doing so. Or having to deal with other issues outside that made it more difficult. Needless to say I am still here 🙂
I have rediscovered myself in a new way and considering I will be hitting the big 4-0 in a few weeks I am realizing that the things in the past, no matter if they come back into your memories or not, are in the past. We cannot change the things that have happened. We can only work hard not to repeat them. We can either hold grudges toward people or move on. We can either allow all the things that have happened to eat us up inside or accept that they made us the people we are, for better or worse. We are what we choose to be not what things have made us. We try to set an example for our children and hope they don’t make the mistakes we have but in the end they have to make those choices as well. Life is about choices. We make them no one else does.
I also did some soul searching. I know I have preached it that only we are responsible for the choices we make. But I’ll be honest, I did not do as I preached. It’s hard to say that because I don’t like being a hypocrite. I paid the price though. As I said above, I opened a few old wounds because of it. I literally just ripped the scab right off and poured salt on it. Why? Because I started blaming other people for my choices. I blamed them for things that went wrong because I could not face the fact that it was my fault. But you know what…I stopped. I started thinking about everything…and in that moment of clarity I realized I am not perfect. I am human. It is hard to describe the feeling that I felt at that moment. Because right then and there I stopped and realized the past is gone. No matter how much we want to change it we can’t. Anything we did has been done. You can express regret and ask for forgiveness, but in the end you have to let it go. Even if the person or persons that were part of it can’t. This part of my life, I have shut the book on. I may go back occasionally and hit the highlights but I am not going back there again.
I will be making some changes to my blog in the next few weeks. Nothing major, just things for me. Hopefully, I won’t lose any of you. But if you do go hopefully you will make your way back. Until next time…Namaste.