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Did you miss me…or was this a hiatus…

Hey everyone!! It’s been awhile since I did a full post. I needed some time to get my head straight on a few things going on which I will share partially here. There have been things going on that I have had to come to terms with and the reality of my life is that I have to put somethings first whereas others are not necessarily last but I had to and still am trying to figure out if they are worth it. I think in a way I have had to “clean house”  in my mind, body, and soul. No I am not getting spiritual here but it’s not a bad thing. This is my journey and I am finding out things that I thought were important are not and things that might not have been paid attention to are. It was an interesting thing.

The first thing, I was having a conversation with another female a few days ago about the big discussion going on “why can’t women have it all” …..Let me stop here before I go any further I am not trying to sway one way or the other or judge anyone who has one way or the other. This was just a conversation……  We were talking about and the discussion got a little heated on her side due to her believing that if a woman makes enough money she can have it all. That she can have the husband, kids, home…everything if she just made enough money. That if she made enough money that she could hire someone to take care of the kids while at work, clean her home, cook her meals…etc. Then she could come home and “spend time with her family”. My side of it was how is that having it all? You have someone else doing everything you would otherwise be doing as a “mom” just to say you have a career. You’re at work. When you come home after working 10 – 12 hrs a day you will not want to spend time with the kids if you are not already used to doing this. She then turned around and told me that is why I will never be “rich” and that I have become “lazy” in my life. At that point I felt the need to change the conversation due to things were getting heated and this person and I are very close. During this discussion, I started thing about things in my own life and I started wondering if I made the right choices. But since this conversation I have come to this conclusion: Being rich is not the only thing important. Yes there is not a time where I wish we had more money but thankfully we are not doing without. But there is not a day that I regret having to come home, due to circumstances, to raise my kids and enjoy them from the time they were babies up until now as they are teenagers (eek!). We could have had a bigger home, fancier cars, been in that “area” of the city but at what consequence?

In my life, I have made choices. Some I was forced to make due to circumstances others I made free and clear of any outside intervention. One choice I have discussed in this blog lightly is the fact of having to remove myself from certain situations in the past and seems like I still have to now. It seems when I am finally at a point in my life that I have my head up and I feel amazing, there is always someone to try to bring me back down into the muck. This has been happening the last few months as well and is part of the reason my posts up until I quit posting were getting a little monotonous. I almost went back to the way I was back in 2005. What brought me back this time was the new me. I had started going back into my old habits. I started getting hurt and angry too easily. I started to fall back into that trap of nothing. I even started gaining the weight I have worked so hard to get off. It then dawned on me this is exactly what they want. They want me to be as miserable as they are. Even though they like to say they are happy and get to do everything that I can’t do and have everything I don’t. But you know what…I have everything I want. I am the one that has to live my life. I am the one that has to do what I can in my life and I know I am not going to let them drag me down just make me less then them. I can just imagine everything that is said when I am not around….and I think it is hilarious!!

Over the years, I have had to let go of things that I had my heart set on, Things that I always thought that I wanted. But as I am reaching forty (OMG), I am finding out how much energy I wasted on wanting something I would never have. I have for so many years wanted to be part of a venture that was began before I was born. I had always thought I would be part of it. Not because of money but because it was literally part of my life constantly. As the years went by, I found out that it was not going to happen for various reasons. Needless to say this made me feel as if I was not good enough, that I did not have the abilities that were needed. It took me a long time to get past that. Actually to be honest I am not too sure I am even now. I had always believed that if I proved myself in everything they put in front of me I could be what they wanted. But needless to say it was not good enough. I wasted so many years doing this. Now I will be 40 my birthday and you know what…I’m done with trying to live up to some expectation that I will never achieve. Does that mean I will slack off? Does that mean I will not continue to achieve what I want?  No what it means is I will set my own expectations and be damned if they like it or not.

The sad thing with these things I have posted here is that, these are close people to me and they really are not bad people. But I had to make a choice all those years ago, and I have to renew that decision, that put me on the path I am today. I have to realize that whereas they are a part of my life and are important to me, I have to let what is said or done “go in one ear and out the other”. I cannot allow anyone to make me less then I am. Not anymore. My life is set on a path. I just have to remember that. I have to remember that there are going to be potholes, diversions, and forks in the road but in the end it will all end up in the same spot. How I want to get there is up to me no one else.

Quote 6/14/17

IT’S HUMP DAY!!! Have a great and stay cool!!

 

Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.

George Edward Woodberry

Fitness Challenge week 46 and 47

Well here I am at week 47. Let me start out saying I have been busy otherwise I would have been posting more regularly….sorry everyone!! Now on to the post….

I am not anywhere close to my goal but I am learning a lot about my health. In the last 47 weeks and even before that when I first started, I started to do this because I was having the beginnings of major issues…anywhere from asthma all the way to high cholesterol. I was not in good shape and could not go and do things with my kids that I wanted to.  I mean I was not even 40 years old and I felt like I was falling apart. I weighed almost 190 pounds and every joint felt it. I was at the heaviest I had ever been in my life. So I started on this journey with the decision not so much to lose weight as to get healthy again.

And it seems that I have.

I have not lost as much weight as I would like to and in the process I have gained some back and lost it again. In total I have lost 13 pounds since I started. I know that does not seem like a lot but considering I really did not go into this to lose weight but to get healthy, to me, it is a lot. It’s a lot because I have kept it off. I did not gain it back after losing it. It shows if you change your diet you will not only lose weight but will regain your health. Yes I know I should not tout any huge successes because commercial weight loss programs will “guarantee you that you will lose 50 pounds in 6 months or your money back (insert sarcasm)” but to me this is a huge success. Not in terms of weight loss but in terms of me taking my body, my health, and my life back.

I am going to continue doing just as I have and will continue to update my progress. I will change myself the better and teach my children to live better and healthier. I don’t want to leave them sooner then I have to and I want them to have a long, healthy, enjoyable life. The more I learn the more they learn. Maybe by changing my path, I have change theirs for the better.

Success is not the absence of failure; it’s the persistence through failure.

Aisha Tyler

 

Weight: 174.8

Bust: 38 in

Waist: 32

Hips: 37

Quotes 6/3/17

Happy Saturday!! Get outside and have fun!!

 

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

Thomas A. Edison

Quotes 3/30/17

WE are so close to the end of the week!! Make it great!!

 

Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.

Henry J. Kaiser
 

Quotes 1/25/17

Happy Hump Day!!!! We will be great..Let’s finish this week with a bang!!!

 

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Confucius

 

Monthly Weight Check in 8/26/16

Sorry about being late…I’ve been running a bit behind on my posts. This should have been done yesterday but life gets in the way sometimes….lol!!

This month I did better then I did last month! I still did not reach that number that I want for last month but you know what….I still did amazing!! I went from 178.8 to my current weight of 176.6. So with that being said, even though I did not get to my goal for this month I’m not upset. Because I am making positive progress….because I am losing it….because I know I will do it!!! I am taking my successes and celebrating them. I am going to enjoy the fact that I am able to breathe better because of the endurance I am building up. I am loving the fact of the way my clothes fit and the fact I am able to get into clothing that has not fit me for at least a year. Here’s to looking better, feeling better, and enjoying life!!!

With all this being said I am not increasing my goal this month. I am going to keep it at last month’s goal. Why you ask? Because I need to get to that…I am doing it but it is going to take a little bit more.

 

My next monthly goal September 30, 2016 – 173 pounds     current weight: 176.6

Quotes 8/5/16

We did great this week!! Have an amazing weekend!!

 

Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.

George Edward Woodberry
 

Quotes 6/23/16

We are so close to the end of the week!! We are getting there and will do it!!!

 

To have success, you can’t let failure stop you. To have great success, you can’t let success stop you. Robert Brault

Getting back on the wagon

OK might not be the best time to say I am getting back on the wagon and continuing my journey to fitness considering we are going on a vacation next week. :O  But you know what….I have to put myself back on the right path sometime because there will always be something that comes up. Whether it be a trip, a get together, a night out, hanging out with the kids…etc. There will always be something no matter what you do. How you deal with it the day after is what matters. Does that mean after you have your fun that you are supposed to feel guilty afterwards and then go to extremes to say that you are making up for what you did? No! What it means is that you acknowledge the fact you made some not so wise choices and move on. It means you know that what you did was not good for you and that not necessarily won’t do it again but will be more attuned to what you are doing and might not do it exactly the same way.

So here we are starting almost at the beginning again. I have lost weight but no where near as much as I would like to. I will do it…here’s my stats to start all over again.

Fit Challenge week 1:

Height: 5′ 7″

Age: 38

Weight : 181.5

My bust: 38 in

My waist: 32 in

My Hips: 38 in

 

Along with the final goal above I am going to hold myself a little more accountable. I am going to set myself smaller goals during this time. This is to help me keep focused not only on the larger goal but to help me stay on track. This is where my Monthly check in will happen:

Goal weight by July 28, 2016:  176

 

As I said above, I am going on vacation next week…I might not be able to post my weekly check in but I will definitely be keeping up with everything. My next post will be in 2 weeks. Maybe I’ll have something good to show 🙂