I know it’s been a long time since I posted things on here. I didn’t leave because of something said or something done. I didn’t leave because I wanted to stop posting my life. I left because I wanted to disconnect. It was getting to the point where I was becoming obsessive (never a good thing) with the whole blog idea. I had to stop myself. It had started to affect me in a lot of ways (both good and bad) and brought up a lot of things I thought I had long forgotten. Things not all bad but none the less, wanted to move on from. It dredged up old memories of things that made me who I am but I did not want to remember. That’s the reason I left.
I want to make this blog what I originally wanted. Just a place that I could come to talk out loud. But it started to feel like it was slipping away from that and just becoming “everything and nothing” . I realize it was my fault I should have stayed within my idea but it is so easy to get lost. It is so easy for things to get overly complicated when there is no reason for it. As you my followers see, I did not close it. I just stopped posting. Not the best idea but it I did.
But guess what…I’m baaaack!! (lol)
I am coming back after the first of the year and am going to do a reboot of my blog to get it back to what I wanted to do originally and try to help myself as well as anyone wanting an ear, virtual hug, or anything in that realm of help. We all live in this life, lets make the best of it that we can.
By this point in my life, I think I gave up. I think I did not want to try to be better. It felt like this is what happens to everyone after they have kids and get old. You gain weight, you get lazy, and life happens. You try to make excuses, you try to say you don’t have time…but in the end you have to make time. If you don’t you end up sick, injured, or worse…die. I know this sounds morbid but in actuality it’s true. If you don’t make time for yourself, to keep yourself healthy, you will end up in the same place that I am if not worse. I think what really gave me the kick in the a** was when my doctor told me she was going to put me both on blood pressure and cholesterol meds. Even then, it took me a couple of years before I did anything worthwhile to help myself. It was a few years ago, I had some pictures taken and my son told me “you look like mimi (my mom)”. I didn’t pay any attention and just kept doing my thing. Then a couple months after that I saw myself in the mirror…I was like “oh my goodness, I am turning into my mom”. Now before anyone jumps on me and tells me how bad I am being talking about my mom, I am not. My mom even made fun of me and told me herself that I had better do something or I am going to end up like her. Her exact words were: ” I have always been fat. I have never been a small person, but you have. If you keep going the way you are you will have more health issues and physical pain. You need to do something.” I love her more than anything in this world. She is definitely one of a kind!! 🙂
With all this happening I was still in denial. It’s sort of like being an addict I guess. You keep telling yourself I can change at anytime, I can stop at anytime, I’m not _______(fill in the blank). But reality is you can’t unless you make up your mind to do it. So there I was, the heaviest I had ever been in my life, my doctor telling me I have to take meds to save myself (was a shock and turning point in itself), my mom telling me I’m going to be her…but none of it mattered. That is until my son went to the doctor and his doctor told me he has high cholesterol. When his doctor told me that, I knew I had to change. All of the bad habits I developed were being passed on to him. I could not doom my son to bad health the rest of his life. I went back to my basics. As anyone on here that has been reading my posts knows, I started eating better and exercising. I made my son get up and exercise. It made him better. It dropped his cholesterol down (it’s still elevated but it’s a work in progress) and I lost a little weight. But even then I was not complete. I still could not regain that balance. I did start slacking off…as you can go back and look at all my posts. I had to find that balance and I did. I went back to my old friend. She will always be there even when I am not as good a friend. She brings me back my center, control and balance. She never says I can’t do it…she always knows I can.
Which brings me to today. I am at peace, I have balance, and I am in control. I have started doing my yoga on a regular basis again. I have incorporated it into my regular exercise routines that I made for myself. I have learned that if I don’t make time for myself I can’t provide what my family needs as well as what I need. I know a lot of you say, yoga is just exercise. It’s just a means to an end. For me it has been a life saver both mentally and physically. It has given me my strength.
So here I sit, Still thinking about my vacation and am so glad to be home again 🙂 Sometimes it’s really hard to get back on the horse after you’ve been on vacay but surprisingly it was not too hard this time. I think I actually have surprised myself to be honest. My body was more than ready to get back into the swing of things. I slid back into my routines with minor bumps, which says a lot about how far I have come on this journey. A year ago I could not have said this…actually to be honest, a year ago I probably would have found an excuse not to go back to my routines. But this time, it was so much easier. It was like my body was expecting me to go back. So go back I did…and am so glad I am!!
My eating habits have changed too. I have noticed in the last couple of months my body has started talking again (yes I know that sounds silly). If I reach a point where I have had enough, my body pushes back and says STOP!! If I don’t listen then I pay for it rest of the day with either severe indigestion or I get so sluggish I cannot move. I hate both feelings…UGH!!! Yes there was a time I did hear that, but over the years I forgot about it. I didn’t listen. Now I can hear it again and boy am I listening now…lol!!
My exercising has become easier. I no longer have issues breathing when doing my exercises. That’s not to say I am not challenging myself. It means that my body is adjusting itself (like the eating) and letting me know I can do more. I am going to push more starting this week. I am going to increase my gazelle time by 10 mins from 20 up to 30 mins so I can get that extra burn. I will continue my yoga twice a week to make sure my body gets it’s flexibility back as well.