I started this blog as a place to voice my feelings. A place to open up and just spill my guts out and not worry so much about what anyone thinks. Then it changed and I added things to it. I then started sharing my weight loss journey, which I received encouragement and help. Then I started opening up about my journey to get where I am now. But what I did not expect was to open old wounds when doing so. Or having to deal with other issues outside that made it more difficult. Needless to say I am still here 🙂
I have rediscovered myself in a new way and considering I will be hitting the big 4-0 in a few weeks I am realizing that the things in the past, no matter if they come back into your memories or not, are in the past. We cannot change the things that have happened. We can only work hard not to repeat them. We can either hold grudges toward people or move on. We can either allow all the things that have happened to eat us up inside or accept that they made us the people we are, for better or worse. We are what we choose to be not what things have made us. We try to set an example for our children and hope they don’t make the mistakes we have but in the end they have to make those choices as well. Life is about choices. We make them no one else does.
I also did some soul searching. I know I have preached it that only we are responsible for the choices we make. But I’ll be honest, I did not do as I preached. It’s hard to say that because I don’t like being a hypocrite. I paid the price though. As I said above, I opened a few old wounds because of it. I literally just ripped the scab right off and poured salt on it. Why? Because I started blaming other people for my choices. I blamed them for things that went wrong because I could not face the fact that it was my fault. But you know what…I stopped. I started thinking about everything…and in that moment of clarity I realized I am not perfect. I am human. It is hard to describe the feeling that I felt at that moment. Because right then and there I stopped and realized the past is gone. No matter how much we want to change it we can’t. Anything we did has been done. You can express regret and ask for forgiveness, but in the end you have to let it go. Even if the person or persons that were part of it can’t. This part of my life, I have shut the book on. I may go back occasionally and hit the highlights but I am not going back there again.
I will be making some changes to my blog in the next few weeks. Nothing major, just things for me. Hopefully, I won’t lose any of you. But if you do go hopefully you will make your way back. Until next time…Namaste.
To be honest I really have not got anywhere near where I wanted to be when I started this. I am still a lot heavier then what I want to be. I still go back to my comfort zone when I let my guard down. It’s just so easy to do it especially when you are feeling down, tired, or (let’s be honest) lazy. I am not bashing myself….I am just being truthful. I am doing a lot better I think then when I started all of this way back when. I see the difference in the way I feel and the way my family feels but it doesn’t want to translate for me. That’s ok though. When I started this, I wanted to lose weight which I have but most importantly I wanted to get healthy. I have done this. It is still a work in progress, but I know things are changing. I no longer have severe breathing issues. I no longer have to stop to rest when doing high intensity exercises. And most of all I feel amazing!! I will continue on this path I am on to get where I want to be. It’s just going to take time. It did not happen overnight and this is not going to fix itself overnight either.
Again sorry about the late post…see my yoga post So anyway after last weeks 1 inch I did not have much more progress. But you know what I feel amazing. I am doing things I have not been able to do in quite a few years. And to be honest my hubby is loving the difference too 🙂 It’s been a major change in the way I feel physically and maybe even mentally. I never had a low self esteem but when you start to see a difference in the way things look on you…you start to feel a boost in the way you look at yourself. I am absolutely going to keep going!!
Here I am at week 44…I am not too much closer to my goal then when I started 44 weeks ago. I can make all the excuses in the world but when it boils down to it…it was me. I was not as strict as I should have been. I did not really make the right choices in food. And honestly, I did not do what I should have done. Did I exercise more? Yes. Have I changed the outlook on what I eat? Mostly. Do I feel better? Yes, I actually do. Did I change my children’s look on eating and exercising? Yes (my son has actually started everyday getting up, exercising, and even eating better foods. My daughter has taken to yoga like a fish to water…lol). Now it’s me. I have to change more for myself and show myself that I can do more to better me. I have to really stick to my guns and do it. Otherwise, I will fall back into old patterns….and the rest will follow. So here is to the next 8 weeks and forever.