I have not disappeared….

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At least not yet ūüôā

 

I know it’s been a long time since I posted things on here. I didn’t leave because of something said or something done. I didn’t leave because I wanted to stop posting my life. I left because I wanted to disconnect. It was getting to the point where I was becoming obsessive (never a good thing) with the whole blog idea. I had to stop myself. It had started to affect me in a lot of ways (both good and bad) and brought up a lot of things I thought I had long forgotten. Things not all bad but none the less, wanted to move on from. It dredged up old memories of things that made me who I am but I did not want to remember. That’s the reason I left.

I want to make this blog what I originally wanted. Just a place that I could come to talk out loud. But it started to feel like it was slipping away from that and just becoming¬† “everything and nothing” . I realize it was my fault I should have stayed within my idea but it is so easy to get lost. It is so easy for things to get overly complicated when there is no reason for it. As you my followers see, I did not close it. I just stopped posting. Not the best idea but it I did.

But guess what…I’m baaaack!!¬†¬† (lol)

I am coming back after the first of the year and am going to do a reboot of my blog to get it back to what I wanted to do originally and try to help myself as well as anyone wanting an ear, virtual hug, or anything in that realm of help. We all live in this life, lets make the best of it that we can.

Changes

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I started this blog as¬†a place to voice my feelings. A place to open up and just spill my guts out and not worry so much about what anyone thinks. Then it changed and I added things to it. I then started sharing my weight loss journey,¬†¬†which I received encouragement and help. Then I started opening up about my journey to get where I am now. But what I did not expect was to open old wounds when doing so. Or having to deal with other issues outside that made it more difficult.¬†Needless to say I am still here ūüôā

I have rediscovered myself in a new way and considering I will be hitting the big 4-0 in a few weeks I am realizing that the things in the past, no matter if they come back into your memories or not, are in the past. We cannot change the things that have happened. We can only work hard not to repeat them. We can either hold grudges toward people or move on. We can either allow all the things that have happened to eat us up inside or accept that they made us the people we are, for better or worse. We are what we choose to be not what things have made us. We try to set an example for our children and hope they don’t make the mistakes we have but in the end they have to make those choices as well. Life is about choices. We make them no one else does.

I also did some soul searching. I know I have preached it that only we are responsible for the choices we make. But I’ll be honest, I did not do as I preached. It’s hard to say that because I don’t like being a hypocrite. I paid the price though. As I said above, I opened a few old wounds because of it. I literally just ripped the scab right off and poured salt on it. Why? Because I started blaming other people for my choices. I blamed them for things that went wrong because I could not face the fact that it was my fault. But you know what…I stopped. I started thinking about everything…and in that moment of clarity I realized I am not perfect. I am human. It is hard to describe the feeling that I felt at that moment. Because right then and there I stopped and realized the past is gone. No matter how much we want to change it we can’t. Anything we did has been done. You can express regret and ask for forgiveness, but in the end you have to let it go. Even if the person or persons that were part of it can’t.¬†This part of my life, I have shut the book on. I may go back occasionally and hit the highlights but I am not going back there again.

I will be making some changes to¬†my¬†blog in the next few weeks. Nothing major, just things for me. Hopefully, I won’t lose any of you. But if you do go hopefully you will make your way back. Until next time…Namaste.

 

 

 

Update post…missed you all

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Hi all!! Sorry I have not been blogging of late. I have not been the best blogger around ūüė¶¬† I have not been too good health wise and then everything else. It’d been a long few days and hopefully we all got over the hump.

My health went from having allergy issues to having a full blown cold (which I am getting over). It was awful between the sneezing and dizziness I don’t know which was worse…ugh!! Then on top of that my sciatic nerve decided it wanted to act up. And as anyone who has a sciatic nerve issue knows how painful that is. Every time¬†I moved the pain would go all the way up my back to the tips of my toes.¬†:O

Well on to better things, looks like we are able to get a new roof on the house. Finally the insurance agreed and we will be getting a new one installed in the next week or so. I am so glad for that. It was about time. The last storm we had I guess was the last straw for the insurance and they agreed. YAY!!

My kids are basically finished for the school year and we are planning for the following year. My daughter is going to be in the 7th grade and my son is starting High School next year.¬† OMG!!!¬† It’s hard to imagine when I look at my kids to believe how tiny they were. Now they are almost adults. My daughter is discovering what she truly is capable of. I love to watch her do her work because she still has that “little girl” surprise about things when she discovers new things. But she tries so hard to act like an “adult”…lol!!!¬† My son is¬†so ready to get into¬†the 9th grade.¬†He is going to start on the¬†Honor’s Courses this year and will continue through High School.¬†He is so determined to be the best but he still¬†“needs” mama even though it might be a little grudgingly…lol!!

Well looks like I’m back in the blogsphere…my regular posts will start tomorrow. I hope I still have you all around. Have a great day everyone!!!