A long time ago, in a town, somewhere in the south…a girl was born. She had all the potential of any kid. But little did she know 41 years later that she would end up being married for 20 years and have a 15 (almost 16) and 14 year old. She did not know all the things that would happen or what she would achieve. She had no clue what life was going to bring her. All she knew at that moment was that she was warm and safe in her mom’s arms.
Years passed and she grew up to be a rambunctious tom boy, an ornery teenager, and a curious and ambitious adult. She met a man that would change everything she knew up to that point. She would fall in love and give him two beautiful amazing children. She gave him her heart and never looked back.
Again the years continued to pass and she got older but never felt old. She never thought of being old even as her number went up because no one ever looked at herself as being old. She was always asked where do you get that energy, how do you do it….? She just smiled and said I just do.
But now as I sit here…thinking about everything…I realize age really is a number. It is not how we should define ourselves. We should define ourselves by our abilities not by how old we are. If we are able to do whatever we want, see, be…then we should. Today is my birthday and yes I am 41 years old but I do not let it define me….I define it.
I am thankful for everything that I have. It took me a long time to get where I am both mentally and physically. I have reached a point in my life that I have accepted myself as to who I am. I have learned that as much as you would like to stay around people because you love and care about them, it might be in your best interest to keep your distance for your own sanity. I’ve had to make choices that 10 yrs ago I did not ever think I would. Does this mean I have taken them completely out of my life? No but what it means is that I limit my exposure. I have also learned that you can’t help anyone who really does not want to be helped no matter how much they need it. Does this mean I stop trying to help people? No but I learned like the old saying ” You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink”. It is so true in so many ways. I also learned not to set you expectations up so high that people can’t live up to them. I was so guilty of this when I was younger. I would always think that when people expected the highest of me I could do likewise. Boy was I wrong. I cannot tell you how many times I was so hurt and disappointed. It made me miserable almost to the point where I thought I was doing something wrong. Finally I came to the realization that no matter what I thought, felt, or did it would never meet their expectations. When that happened, I can’t tell you how amazing it felt. It was like the weight of the world had been removed from my shoulders.
It took a lot of focus and will to get out of that state of mind and the path was probably the rockiest and hardest path I had ever been on to that point. Because no matter how hard I tried, it wanted to suck me back down into old habits. I can’t tell you how easy I would have been to go back down that path. But I haven’t and I won’t. My life and path are so much calmer and peaceful. I feel so amazing. When I think back on what I went through to get this point it was so worth it.
Now I am 38 almost 39 and the person I am is a much better, more stable, more confident person then I was 10 yrs ago. I can look at life so much clearer and not have to wonder if I am meeting someone else’s expectations or trying to match someone else’s opinion of what I should be. I am the only one that is in power of my life and destiny. I do believe the way you feel determines how everything works out….and I feel amazing!!
OK might not be the best time to say I am getting back on the wagon and continuing my journey to fitness considering we are going on a vacation next week. :O But you know what….I have to put myself back on the right path sometime because there will always be something that comes up. Whether it be a trip, a get together, a night out, hanging out with the kids…etc. There will always be something no matter what you do. How you deal with it the day after is what matters. Does that mean after you have your fun that you are supposed to feel guilty afterwards and then go to extremes to say that you are making up for what you did? No! What it means is that you acknowledge the fact you made some not so wise choices and move on. It means you know that what you did was not good for you and that not necessarily won’t do it again but will be more attuned to what you are doing and might not do it exactly the same way.
So here we are starting almost at the beginning again. I have lost weight but no where near as much as I would like to. I will do it…here’s my stats to start all over again.
Fit Challenge week 1:
Height: 5′ 7″
Weight : 181.5
My bust: 38 in
My waist: 32 in
My Hips: 38 in
Along with the final goal above I am going to hold myself a little more accountable. I am going to set myself smaller goals during this time. This is to help me keep focused not only on the larger goal but to help me stay on track. This is where my Monthly check in will happen:
Goal weight by July 28, 2016: 176
As I said above, I am going on vacation next week…I might not be able to post my weekly check in but I will definitely be keeping up with everything. My next post will be in 2 weeks. Maybe I’ll have something good to show 🙂
To be honest I know I said “I knew it would be difficult” But honestly I did not know how hard it was. When I was a younger person, if I wanted to drop a few pounds it was so easy, but now as an older person it is almost impossible it seems. I know logically when we are younger our bodies work a lot quicker and I know the food we ate was like it disappeared as soon as we swallowed it….lol!!! But what I did not realize was how much I had let myself go. Not so much because of the weight but because of my activity. In the last 4 and 1/2 months I realize hw much more I did as a young woman then I do now and I am going to get back there.