I am thankful for everything that I have. It took me a long time to get where I am both mentally and physically. I have reached a point in my life that I have accepted myself as to who I am. I have learned that as much as you would like to stay around people because you love and care about them, it might be in your best interest to keep your distance for your own sanity. I’ve had to make choices that 10 yrs ago I did not ever think I would. Does this mean I have taken them completely out of my life? No but what it means is that I limit my exposure. I have also learned that you can’t help anyone who really does not want to be helped no matter how much they need it. Does this mean I stop trying to help people? No but I learned like the old saying ” You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink”. It is so true in so many ways. I also learned not to set you expectations up so high that people can’t live up to them. I was so guilty of this when I was younger. I would always think that when people expected the highest of me I could do likewise. Boy was I wrong. I cannot tell you how many times I was so hurt and disappointed. It made me miserable almost to the point where I thought I was doing something wrong. Finally I came to the realization that no matter what I thought, felt, or did it would never meet their expectations. When that happened, I can’t tell you how amazing it felt. It was like the weight of the world had been removed from my shoulders.
It took a lot of focus and will to get out of that state of mind and the path was probably the rockiest and hardest path I had ever been on to that point. Because no matter how hard I tried, it wanted to suck me back down into old habits. I can’t tell you how easy I would have been to go back down that path. But I haven’t and I won’t. My life and path are so much calmer and peaceful. I feel so amazing. When I think back on what I went through to get this point it was so worth it.
Now I am 38 almost 39 and the person I am is a much better, more stable, more confident person then I was 10 yrs ago. I can look at life so much clearer and not have to wonder if I am meeting someone else’s expectations or trying to match someone else’s opinion of what I should be. I am the only one that is in power of my life and destiny. I do believe the way you feel determines how everything works out….and I feel amazing!!